I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize