she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
