If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize