jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
