Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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