peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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