My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
