Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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