He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
