whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
