i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
how does that bad decision feel?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
