the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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