So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
