you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
