i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
