i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
pop tarts are not kleenex
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
