you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
