Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
