I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize