office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
is it fun? or sober?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize