She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
