You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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