No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You need Xanax blowdarts
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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