He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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