She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
