I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
