Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you win again, gameday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
