you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
