At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
