you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
