Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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