If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize