i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
