Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize