Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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