Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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