If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
