I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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