I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You can't special order awesome
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
