If i come over, it means nothing
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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