video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
