I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
