I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
