We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it penis luge time yet?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
