this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
