he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
