I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
