Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
