Your face is a jimmy john
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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