She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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