Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
