apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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