Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
