I think my vagina is haunted
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
