Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize