Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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