Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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