i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
