I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
