Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
