you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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