I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
