Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
