My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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