: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
