two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
