4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im holly from the hills drunk
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
