so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
