you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I AM VODKA MAN
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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