After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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