I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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