I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
