what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
