I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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