THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
