He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
