Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
