they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Of course I have a pirate flag
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
