There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
