Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
