No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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