i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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