HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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