I just made out with a guy for $7.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
