Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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