i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
