Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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