Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
