So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
