Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
