In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
