I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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