She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
