You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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