I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
