I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
