i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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