he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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