that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
