He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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