hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
