i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
